Risk

A guy walks into a bar and notices two pieces of sirloin hanging from the ceiling. He asks the barman about it and the barman replies, "It's a competition. If you can jump high enough to get the meat down you get dinner on the house. But if you miss you have to buy a round for the whole bar."

The guy thinks about it and says, "No, I don't think so... the steaks are too high!'

Posted on Monday, February 21, 2005 at 03:22AM by Registered CommenterJoel | CommentsPost a Comment

Window sign

WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH 1000 ARAB TERRORISTS THAN WITH A SINGLE JEW

~~~~~

This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in Philadelphia. Most would be outraged at the thought of such an inflammatory statement...

One would think that anti-hate groups from all across the country would be marching on this business and that the National Guard might have to be called to keep the angry crowds back...

But, perhaps in these stressful times one might be tempted to let the proprietors simply make their statement. We are a society who holds Freedom of Speech as perhaps our greatest liberty and after all it is just a sign... You may be asking what business would dare post such a sign?

Click to read more ...

Posted on Monday, February 21, 2005 at 03:20AM by Registered CommenterJoel | CommentsPost a Comment

Heart health

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

Conclusion: Eat what you like. It's speaking English that kills you.

Posted on Monday, February 21, 2005 at 03:19AM by Registered CommenterJoel | CommentsPost a Comment

Dark

For years, it has been believed that electric bulbs emit light, but recent investigation has proven otherwise.  Electric bulbs don't emit light; they suck dark. Thus, we call these bulbs Dark Suckers.

Studying the Dark Sucker Theory and the characteristics of dark suckers has proven that dark has significant mass and is heavier and faster than light.

Click to read more ...

Posted on Monday, February 21, 2005 at 03:17AM by Registered CommenterJoel | CommentsPost a Comment

Mergers

In the wake of the Exxon/Mobil deal and the AOL/Netscape deal, here are the next bombshell mergers, investors should expect:

Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W.R. Grace Company merge to become, Hale Mary Fuller Grace.

Polygram Records, Warner Brothers, and Keebler Crackers merge to become, Polly Warner Cracker.

3M and Goodyear merge to become MMMGood.

Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining merge to become,
Zip Audi Do Da.

Federal Express and UPS merge to become FED UP.

Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge and begin manufacturing Reproductive Organs.

Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will merge and become Fairwell Honeychild

Knott's Berry Farm & National Organization of Women will merge and become, Knott NOW.

Posted on Monday, February 21, 2005 at 03:16AM by Registered CommenterJoel | CommentsPost a Comment