Wacky Warning Labels
TOILET BRUSH THAT WARNS, “DO NOT USE FOR PERSONAL HYGIENE” WINS TOP PRIZE IN M-LAW’S EIGHTH ANNUAL WACKY WARNING LABEL CONTEST
A flushable toilet brush that warns users, “Do not use for
personal hygiene” has been identified as the nation’s wackiest warning
label in an annual contest sponsored by a consumer watchdog group.
The
Wacky Warning Label Contest, now in its eighth year, is conducted by
Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch, M-LAW, to reveal how lawsuits, and
concern about lawsuits, have created a need for common sense warnings
on products.
Joel
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Crime and punishment
Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates.
The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time.
After 3 years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the
local area. Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for
the citizens of the community, and he always reported back to prison
before Sunday night was over.
Tomatoes
An unemployed man is desperate to support his family. His wife watches
TV all day and his three teenage kids have dropped out of high school
to hang around with the local toughs. He applies for a janitor's job at
a large firm and easily passes an aptitude test.
The human resources manager tells him, "You will be hired at minimum
wage of $5.15 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address so that we can
get you in the loop. Our system will automatically e-mail you all the
forms and advise you when to start and where to report on your first
day."
Taken aback, the man protests that he is poor and has neither a computer
nor an e-mail address.
The buzz
Frank Lingua, president and CEO of
Dissembling Associates, is the nation's leading purveyor of buzzwords,
catch phrases and clichés for people too busy to speak in plain
English. Business Finance contributing editor Dan Danbom interviewed
Lingua in his New York City office:
Danbom: Is being a cliché expert a full-time job?
Lingua: Bottom line is that I have a full plate 24/7.
Danbom: Is it hard to keep up with the seemingly endless supply of clichés that spew from business?
Lingua: Some days, I don't have the bandwidth. It's like drinking from a fire hydrant.
Dog story
A guy passing by sees a sign on the door: Talking Dog for sale. He
rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the back yard.
The guy goes into the back yard and sees a mutt sitting there.
"You talk?", he asks.
"Yep," the mutt replies.