Joel Orr's World

For years, it has been believed that electric bulbs emit light, but recent investigation has proven otherwise.  Electric bulbs don't emit light; they suck dark. Thus, we call these bulbs Dark Suckers.

Studying the Dark Sucker Theory and the characteristics of dark suckers has proven that dark has significant mass and is heavier and faster than light.

First, the basis of the Dark Sucker Theory is that electric bulbs suck dark. For example, consider the Dark Sucker in the room you are in.  There is much less dark near it than there is further away.  Larger Dark Suckers are capable of sucking more dark than smaller ones.  Dark Suckers in the parking lot have a much greater capacity to suck dark than the ones in this room.

As with all things, Dark Suckers don't last forever.  Once they are full of dark, they can no longer suck.  This fact is clearly indicated by the dark spot that often appears on a full Dark Sucker.

A candle is a primitive Dark Sucker. A new candle has a white wick.  You can see that after the first use, the wick turns black.  This black is the residue of all the dark that has been sucked into it.  If you put a pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, it will turn black.  This is because the pencil got in the way of the dark flowing into the candle.  One of the disadvantages of these primitive Dark Suckers is their limited range.

There are also portable Dark Suckers.  In these, the bulbs can't handle all the dark by themselves and must be aided by a Dark Storage Unit.  When the Dark Storage Unit is full, it must be either emptied or replaced before the portable Dark Sucker can operate again.

Dark has been shown to have mass.  When dark goes into a Dark Sucker, friction from the mass causes heat.  Thus, touching an operating Dark Sucker is not advised.  Candles present a special problem, as the mass must travel into a solid wick instead of through clear glass.  This generates a greater amount of heat and therefore it's more dangerous to touch an operating candle.

Also, dark is heavier than light.  If you were to swim just below the surface of a lake, you would see a great amount of light.  If you were to slowly swim deeper and deeper, you would notice it getting darker and darker.  When you get to some great depth, you would be in total darkness.  This is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake and the lighter light floats at the top.  This is why it is called light.

Finally, we can prove that dark travels faster than light. If you were to stand in a lit room in front of a closed, dark closet, and slowly opened the door, you would see the light slowly enter the closet.  But since dark is so fast, you would not be able to see it escape.

Cosmologists now believe that most of the mass in the universe is Dark Matter.